Using scrap pieces of coloured card and tracing paper, I produced a few colour pencil drawings focusing on facial features. My favourite is probably the eye study on the blue card - mainly because the warm colours on the eyelid contrasts the pastel blue background and the background also complements the vivid blue within the iris.
To understand how I can vary pencil marks, I searched for different artwork focusing on portraiture. At this point, I wasn't focused on the medium used but just the way the brushstrokes/pencil marks appeared in the outcome.
Jonathan Yeo. Lucian Freud. Jenny Saville. They are all well-known artists and I have previously looked into their work either during my Art GCSE or A - Level. Revisiting their work, made me realise that it was the patches of colour and the way they acted like shapes within the face that I was drawn to.
As I looked further into these three artists and their work, it was something about Saville's artwork that made me want to understand why I was feeling uneasy. Despite this, I was intrigued by Saville's choice of colour palettes in her large-scale paintings. The colour pencil drawing above is my artist copy of Reverse (2002-3). This process of imitating Saville's work allowed me to see that the overuse of warm colours, namely orange and pink, constantly brings reminders of the appearance of flesh and blood. These connotations and the unsettling posture of the individual added to the discomforting atmosphere.
Looking further into Saville's paintings, I realised that this discomfort I was feeling was more than a result from the colour palette.
It was the subject.
Being raised within a culture where is it is looked down upon for wearing 'revealing' clothes and/or being overweight, it felt as though Saville's paintings were a portrayal for what we were expected not to look like.
Hearing that you look 'nice' because you're 'slim' at dinner parties may not be the exact thing you want to hear as you about to get yourself more food. Or sometimes you hear the alternative: eat more - 'to put on more weight'. As for me, I just awkwardly smile - unsure of what to say. Yes, these phrases are usually said with kind intentions ,but we have to be cautious as it could leave someone overhearing to question themselves about their appearance.
However, the uneasiness that ran through me whilst looking through Saville's paintings made me realise that I too have been unknowingly accepting the cultural beliefs of beauty and have been complying with them. This realisation made me feel down and guilty. I knew instantly that I wanted to change my mindset.
'I'm not painting disgusting big women. I'm painting women who've been made to think they're big and disgusting,' - Jenny Saville
As I read these words, I began to realise the importance of the choice of words we use when we talk to others and, most importantly, to ourselves about appearance. Since, it is these words that influence the way we view ourselves and our surroundings. This can be frightening but, also, incredible - as all you have to do is be kind to yourself.
Through observing Saville's artwork and producing artist copies, I have been able to take some time to identify that my original reaction of awkwardness towards Saville's paintings is a reflection of how I have been agreeing with cultural beliefs. This awareness has helped me note which areas of my thinking I need to improve - to then appreciate myself better.
This concept of using your reactions to artwork as a method to learning more about yourself is fascinating; since it requires you to just take some time to look at an artwork and reflect on your feelings and thoughts. This notion can, also, be expanded to music, literature and photography.
I have produced a mood board on Pinterest focusing on Saville's artwork. Check it out and let me know what your first reactions were and if there is something you learnt about yourself!
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